


When the Dust Settles

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Rainbow Marbles [19]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Castiel, Crying Castiel, Dean is mentioned, Demon Dean Winchester, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Insecure Castiel, M/M, Protective Sam Winchester, aftermath of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 06:49:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1848478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Castiel deal with the aftermath of Dean's abuse. Sam only knows one way to comfort Castiel, and he's pretty sure he's doing it wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the Dust Settles

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to this anon prompt: I think it would be really interesting to see a moment between Cas and Sam when you can see the aftereffect of all the emotional abuse Dean puts Cas through.
> 
> Warnings: Emotional abuse, aftermath of emotional abuse, characters dealing with emotional abuse in extremely unsafe/unhealthy ways.

The first time it happens, it’s slow and subtle and it takes Sam a while to realize what’s happening. Dean has left them alone for the afternoon after saying, “I have better things to do than waste my time on you,” and they’ve been in the bedroom ever since.

 

Castiel is insistent that they stay in the bedroom, despite Sam’s numerous attempts to persuade him to go to the kitchen or the lounge. Sam will later reflect that that should have been his first clue; Castiel doesn’t like to stay in the bedroom unless they’re _in bed,_ cuddling, and they’ve spent the last hour sitting on opposite sides of the room.

 

Sam starts to notice that something is wrong when Castiel starts shivering violently. Cas rips the blanket off their bed and wraps it around himself, but after a while he gives up, throws off the blanket, marches over to the closet and begins to put on every single item of clothing they own.

 

“Cas, what are you doing?” Sam asks.

 

Cas just shrugs – the movement is mostly lost under his many layers – and mumbles something about being cold.

 

Sam approaches Castiel and tries to hug him, but Cas just shoves him away. That’s when Sam _knows_ that something is wrong. Cas never refuses affection. Then he notices the silent tears streaming down the other’s face, and he can’t help but surge forward and wrap Castiel in his arms.

 

“Let me go!” Castiel all but shouts, bolting to the other side of the room when Sam does so.

 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Sam says, being careful to keep his distance. Castiel’s mouth opens and closes but nothing comes out, so Sam hastens to add, “Take your time.”

 

Finally, Cas settles on, “Why am I here, Sam?”

 

Sam takes a deep breath. “Cas, you know why we’re here,” he says as gently as possible.

 

Cas looks up at him with red-rimmed eyes. “I know why _you’re_ here, Sam. What I don’t know is why am _I_ here?”

 

Sam looks away. Sometimes he wonders the same thing. After all, Castiel had been an angel when this all started. He hadn’t been powerful enough to kill Dean, but he could have injured him enough to get away. He doesn’t want to say what he’s thinking, doesn’t want to say, _You chose this,_ or, _Maybe if you’d fought a little harder we could both be free._

 

“I mean, _look_ at me,” Castiel says, somewhat hysterically. “You – you’re beautiful – but _me_? I’m short and small and ordinary and useless. I don’t know why Dean keeps me around.”

 

Castiel’s reply startles Sam out of his thoughts and his stomach drops when he realizes what’s happening. “No,” he says, because it’s all he _can_ say, because Cas should be questioning why he’s here, but not like this. “No.”

 

Castiel just shakes his head and laughs bitterly. “It’s true. I was worthless as an angel, and now I’m worthless as a human. My _one_ task in life is to be a slave, and I can’t even manage that.”

 

Sam swallows the bile rising in his throat. The word – _slave_ – hangs heavy in the air between them. Sam wants to deny it, and his mind automatically supplies him with the cute little substitution of ‘pets’ or even ‘lovers,’ but now that Castiel has said it, there’s no going back.

 

“Cas, you know that Dean loves you,” he says, trying and failing to keep his voice from breaking. “He says so all the time.”

 

“He loves you,” Cas corrects. “He could care less about me. I _died_ for him, several times, I rebelled for him, I gave _everything_ for him, and he didn’t even care. He took every one of my sacrifices for granted. I did everything I could to show him how much I loved him, and he didn’t care. You think he feels differently now that he’s a demon? I’m just a trophy, a status symbol, and a bad one at that. Dean doesn’t love me.”

 

Sam doesn’t know how to reply to that, not when Cas could be right. “How often do you feel like this?” He asks, because he needs to know.

 

Castiel glares at him, and for a moment Sam is convinced that he’s still an angel. Then Castiel gives a very human sigh and says, “Not often. And usually not for as long.”

 

“Then it’ll pass,” Sam says, and regrets it instantly when Castiel’s eyes fill with hurt and betrayal. “It will,” he presses on. “I promise,” he continues, hating himself for it. “Just don’t think about it and it’ll go away.”

 

“Sam,” Castiel warns.

 

Sam crawls over to him. “Let me help you through this, all right?” He gathers Castiel in his arms despite the former angel’s protests and starts rocking back and forth. “Dean loves you and so do I.”

 

“If Dean loves me so much, then why does he always tell me how useless I am?”

 

Sam closes his eyes. “He does it because he loves you, Cas.”

 

It takes Castiel a while to accept this, and when he does Sam’s heart shatters. “He hurts me... Because he loves me?”

 

Sam forces himself to nod. “Yeah, Cas. That’s why.”

 

***

 

The next time it happens, Sam is more prepared. He recognizes the signs right away, sees the shivering and the avoidance and gathers Castiel in his arms. He holds him through it, kissing away his protests and his cries of ‘worthless’ and his pitiful questions.

 

By the time it’s over and Cas is once again resigned to his fate, Sam is the one who needs comforting, but he forces himself to stay strong for Castiel’s sake.

 

“You’re my hero, Sam,” Castiel says sleepily.

 

Sam almost laughs at the absurdity of Castiel’s claim. If he were a hero, neither of them would be here. If he were a hero, Cas wouldn’t be falling apart. If he were a hero, Dean wouldn’t be a demon. If he were a _hero_ , the world would be a very different place. Sam waits until Cas is asleep before replying. “I’m no hero, Cas.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, prompts and requests are welcome.


End file.
